Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
