i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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