I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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