i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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