The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
