At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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