I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You ruined the universe
Randomize
