So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
