If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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