Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
