Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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