So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
