Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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