i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
