please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I faked an abortion last night.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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