happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
