I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He shit in the fireplace
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
