I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
