I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
