Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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