He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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