my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
