I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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