I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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