Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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