Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
