well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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