im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
