i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize