you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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