I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
