i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
