I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
