Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
