in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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