K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
