I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
