i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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