Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
