ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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