When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
