Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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