you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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