"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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