You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
