Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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