I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
