Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
