Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
