I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
