Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
