it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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