you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
