The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
