Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
