The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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