did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
