I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
