Little spoons don't ask big questions
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
my liver is dry heaving
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
