Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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