Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize