she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
