he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
