Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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