the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
