The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He felt like a one man threesome
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
