Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
